That fart sounded like...

That fart sounded like: -A deck of cards being shuffled -A drill that couldn't drill anymore -A machine gun -Donald Duck

I fart when I am near you

When I was visiting San Francisco this past week I noticed I was really gassy.  Being around lots of people, I tend to hold in more of my farts.  This is bad.  Because ultimately, all that gas HAS to go somewhere.  I get real gassy and when I try to poop, it turns out to be just gas.  Do you wipe up after passing a bunch of gas? I don't know.

Where do you go?

When I am sitting on a couch, car seat, or any chair that has a cushion and/or fabric, sometimes I let one slip but I make sure to push it deep into the chair. It seems to not only muffle the sound but it also hides the stank. But I learned in high school about the conservation of mass. Basically, it says that mass is never lost. I wonder where these farts go. Maybe to another dimension? It would suck to live in that dimension.

Dog farts not bombs

If the military could bottle up dog farts to unleash on the enemy there would be no need for bullets or bombs. When a dog fart smell explodes in someone's face it would be so disorienting, the enemy would just drop to the ground and beg for mercy.

Funny fart quotes

"Dude, you need to shut your asshole."
-Farty McFly

"You could have sailed a ship with that wind"

Dog face replay

Another fart blog!

who farted

Dog reacts to fart

Special Power

I heard an enormous fart (it sounded like someone riding one of those large choppers!).
I asked my dad if he ripped a hole in his pants with his crazy gas.
His reply verbatim:
"I wish I could make hole in my pants. Then I could have special power and make money."
September 10,2008
-father of Gas Master

Recipe for a Perfect Fart

1 c. cold lentil salad with onions and carrots
1/2 c. minced collard greens with pine nuts
7 slightly undercooked brussels sprouts with whole roasted garlic cloves and pancetta
half of Chris's salami-softcheese-butter panino on white bread [pretty sure I have wheat and dairy allergies, and 10 years of vegetarianism seems to have killed my ability to digest meat]
1/4 c. beet salad
big thing of carbonated Limonata
Fro-Yo with "snozzberries"

Combine all in stomach at one delicious yet unwise sitting. Commence to grumble and moan loudly as stomach bloats to pseudo-pregnant proportions. Let loose catastrophically stinky and earth-shatteringly loud farts for hours on end. Wake up following morning still farting.

Serves 1.
Repels 1.

Sulphur Chicken

I just let out a fart that Chris said smelled like a Sulphur Chicken... so I fear that is my new nickname.

Bunnies fart too

proof

It's not appendicitis, it's gas!

The other night, I had such bad abdominal pain I was screaming and crying my head off.  Since it was on the lower right side, my honey started frantically web-researching appendicitis.  I seemed to have all the symptoms, and we considered heading to the hospital.  Then, suddenly,

PPHHBBBBBBBBLLLLLLLATTTTTTTTTTTPHHHHHHHH*poof*

I farted out my "appendix".  An hour later the pain was gone, but my honey was left in a choking miasma of my swamp gas.  

I hear Ganbun had this happen, too, but actually made it into the hospital and had the ER doctor inform her it was just gas.  Care to share? 

Fartsy...

Chatty

My brother in law pronounces the word "asphalt" as "Ass Fart"

Butt Snap

someone farted, I smelled around. Naturally I blamed my dad.

He got all pissed and said "NO! I didn't. Papa is proud of farts. It's Art."

****


another instance was when I commited the nose crime- I dealt one out and he smelt it. He got REALLY PISSED.
Like, really livid. He was screaming at me "Go take a shit!". It was odd how angry he got.

To this day when I think of it, I say WTF?

****

Just a few nights ago, someone... oh fuck it- AYA was giving me shit about a burp I let out.

I said "at least I pass gass through my mouth- not my ass!"

Then, like 8 minutes later, she's talking to my mom and suddenly lets out this violent fart- but it wasn't a loose one, it was really tight and in a soprano range... like a twig cracking or something. A crisp and staccatto fart.

I said "What the fuck was that???!" to which she replied,

"that was a Butt Snap!"

I'm still laughing thinking about it...

Can you Bottle a Fart?

I thought i'd share this childhood story for you......

must've been 6th grade.....i was at my best friend, Jeff's house in the summer
and we were being typical kids .....being bored.....skating.....playing nintendo......
hmmmmmm....what to do....????
I know.....let's fart into this jar and bottle it for a week and see if it still smells!
I let one rip and then quickly capped it.
The next week we were hanging out and decided to re-visit that jar.
"You open it"
"No , YOU open it"
back and forth... back and forth......
how are we going to find out if it's still in there?!?!?!?!?
...wellll......(and i know some of you will hate me for it, but keep in mind I'm 11 yrs old)
my best friend's sister's little kitty happened to be strolling by......
Jeff picked her up and held her and I brought the jar over to her.
I opened the jar and held it to her face.
She immediately recoiled, and the claws came out!
Luckily I was only holding the jar, but Jeff
had some serious scratches.

Farting preacher

I was but a child when one day a visitor came to see my parents with a VHS tape (before the youtube for you whipper snappers) in their hand. We went into the den and popped the video in and within 5 seconds we were in an uproar, laughing so hard tears rolled down our cheeks. Internet virgins we were. watch the video here

The songbird toots

"Songbird is a free software media player and web browser developed by Pioneers of the Inevitable (with members who previously developed for both Winamp and the Yahoo! Music Engine), with a stated mission "to incubate Songbird, the first Web player, to catalyze and champion a diverse, open Media Web."-From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Notice the bird's flatulence. Visit Songbird for more...